My Internal Struggles

When I decided to convert it was such an internal struggle.  On one hand I wanted and believed in freedom of religion and on the other hand I felt like choosing to leave my current religion was TREASON.

So after many sleepless nights filled with tears , sadness  and struggling with my feelings of wanting to become Jewish, I started talking to friends, Family and colleagues about my decision.  One of my colleagues suggested that I seek out a Rabbi.  Well this was something I wanted to do without a Rabbi, especially after watching the "Sex and the City" episode and seeing how difficult the Rabbi made it for Charlotte to convert.  

But after realizing I couldn't get around without a Rabbi I went to speak with one that was highly recommended.  To my pleasant surprise the Rabbi was so welcoming, kind and honest.  After meeting with him I knew this was the right decision for me.  He suggested that I start taking a Derekh Toran class at the 92nd street Y.

I was always told never to convert for marriage, and when I was interviewed before I could signed up for this class, the Rabbi on the other end of the phone asked me several times why and what my intentions were for converting.  I understood the importance of this line of questioning, but did the RABBI on the other end of the phone understand my struggles and longing to be Jewish?  Well how could he? So we talked and I explained why and he allowed me join the class.

The first day of class we all went around introducing ourselves and why we were taking this class.  To my surprise there were several non-Jews marrying Jews taking this class for exactly what the Rabbi was trying to avoid with me and I bet with the others.

So I say Covert Because this is what you feel deep down in the pit of your stomach.  Do it because if you don't you wont be complete.  Do it for yourself.